Traveling Salesmen
by MakoRain
Summary: Cloud and Zack are so multi-talented they should be able to handle any kind of job, right? We'll see...let the hilarity ensue! Set after lab escape and instead of Zack...you know...dying *Cries*


A/N: This little concoction was cooked up with a lack of sleep and a comment from my Halloween fic brought to my attention. My friend Zacksoldier1 mentioned that Cloud totally should have dressed up as a chocobo with Marlene to go trick or treating and that sparked what you're about to read. So here's an inspired unofficial request piece for Zacksoldier1…I blame you ^_^

"**Traveling Salesmen"**

By MakoRain

It was only Day One of their new business partner arrangement and Cloud was at his whit's end while Zack bossed him around in a brotherly fashion. This was not a good sign.

"You can't be serious." Cloud couldn't believe the stuff he let Zack talk him into.

"I'm dead serious, Spiky. You _need_ to wear the suit or we're not going to get this job."

Cloud looked incredulously at the older man before him, wishing he could wipe that smirk off of his face. In his current get up, he was lucky to be able to walk let alone fight. _Lucky bastard._

"But why do _I_ have to wear it?" He winced at the whiny sound of his voice and straightened up, trying to look as dignified as possible. The effect was lost as a few feathers floated by and he groaned. "Why can't I talk to them and you wear the damn suit!" He flapped his arms up and down for emphasis, more feathers letting loose.

"You? Talk to people? Of your own free will? Surely you jest."

Zack couldn't keep a straight face anymore, not that he had been trying to very hard before. "Cloud, stop moving around so much or there won't be anything left to cover you."

Cloud's feathered arm took a swipe at him and the ex First Class SOLDIER ducked with ease, still laughing his ass off. He sobered up as the tip of Cloud's feathered hand connected with his nose, making his eyes water. "Hey, now that's enough."

This point was emphasized when a now sweating Cloud sneezed, the force throwing himself back against the side of the old, correction _classic_, pick up truck they had bought off the elderly man once their ride into town was complete. His body was cushioned by the feathers covering him from head to toe but still, more of the damned yellow things were floating around than currently covering him.

"Why does it have to be chocobos?" He had raised this question to Zack thousands of times on the way there and Zack never disappointed in giving him various answers. However, this new one had to be the lamest.

"Have you seen us? Beyond my…er…our handsome good looks, that is." Cloud blinked as Zack pointed to his own spiky black hair and then Cloud's blond head. "It's perfect. Plus, the costume was only available in yellow so suck it up and take it for the team, man!"

With that, he gave Cloud an enthusiastic pat on the back, getting them both lost in a whirlwind of feathers that Zack had to eventually chase after, waving his arms around to catch the damn things and laughing like a maniac as they tickled his arms. Cloud glared daggers at his best friend as Zack reattached them with two sided tape and then eventually glue when they ran out of tape. Once they were done, he went from barely being able to walk to moving like a robot, the glue over drying in the hot desert outside of Midgar.

Luckily they weren't going into town; Cloud mentally died at the thought of someone recognizing him in this getup. Especially the last person he knew of moving here being the one and only Tifa Lockheart. Cloud paled under the feathers, no longer matching the suit very well until Zack had him moving in the dry dirt and sweating up a storm to the chocobo farm.

"I can't believe this is your first brilliant job idea," he muttered vehemently as Zack knocked on the door, ending with a few hard raps on Cloud's head for good measure.

"It's different, it's interesting, it's an adventure!" Zack threw his arms open and caught Cloud's beak in the motion, knocking it loose to slide down over his face instead of knocking it clean off altogether.

"It's weird," Cloud answered, finally shutting his mouth as the door was answered, much to Zack's joy.

"Hello, sir! How are you doing this fine day?" Zack was so freaking happy it made Cloud want to puke. A sharp jab of Zack's elbow to his side made him squawk on cue, giving the older man the desired effect. Later, Zack would pay for this; Cloud swore to it.

The man's would be reply was cut off as he looked startled by the giant bird. Cloud did his best to avoid the urge to yell profanities since chocobos weren't supposed to talk, now were they? Well, they could…he squawked again for emphasis of his anger at the whole situation.

Zack glared and talked over the annoying noise originating from the giant fake bird, shaking his head ever so slightly before continuing. "As I was saying, I am a traveling chocobo farmer slash salesman slash whatever you need me to be when it comes to these glorious birds, I mean anything and everything, sir!" He was talking rapidly, gesturing with his hands so close that Cloud had to take a step back but not before Zack's arm connected directly with the big bird's open beak and all he had to do was clamp down. This time Cloud didn't let go until the yapper yelped in pain. _Serves him right._

The man watched Zack fight off the big bird in stunned silence. "What exactly do you want?" The man finally asked, scratching his head quizzically.

"If you need to sell you're birds, I…I mean we-" Zack was this close to smacking the damn bird before Cloud caught on and bowed, recognizing his cue at the last moment. "We are the guys to do it." He could see that the guy was on the fence and so made one last ditch effort. "We have our own source of transportation." He could see the wheels turning as the man looked past Zack to the beat up truck. "That'll only hold a few full grown chocobos…"

"Or a lot of little ones!" Zack said, turning a positive spin on anything. "Like I said, we can sell them, trade them-" "Cook them," Cloud muttered and the guy blanched. "No sir, he didn't mean it, really! I mean, come on, who's ever heard of a cannibal chocobo?!" Zack came up with this on the spot and the two men shared a laugh at Cloud's expense.

Unfortunately it was at this time that Cloud decided to make it known that he was dying of thirst by pecking at Zack's shoulder, originally aiming for his head but not reaching that far with the chocobo head weighing him down. He peck peck pecked their customer's "Well…" into an "If you can't control your own chocobo, how do you expect to handle mine?"

Before Zack could come back with a retort, the man was waving them away and closed the door on them with a resounding thud. A tumbleweed rolled by, adding insult to injury at their failure and mocking them on top of that. In a flash, Zack was turning on Cloud, strangling the bird. "We almost had him, Cloud! What was so freaking important that you had to peck me to death!"

Cloud was so caught off by the shaking that he couldn't speak until he smacked Zack away. "I didn't peck you to death since you're still here, obviously." Zack gave him a look that told him to shut up and he listened for once. "I'm thirsty."

Zack blinked. "You're thirsty…that's why we have to sleep in the truck tonight, because you're thirsty?!" Cloud could hear the strain in the other man's voice and shrugged. He should have been in the suit in the first place, not Cloud. But that didn't matter now. "I'm hot, too."

"Gah," was all Zack had to say, throwing his hands up in the air and walking back towards the truck, leaving Cloud in his trail of dust to run and catch up to him. By the time Cloud got there, he was practically hyperventilating and took off the giant bird head to breath air, sweet mother oxygen deep into his abused lungs.

In that short time, it seemed that Zack had forgiven him, if the smile on his face was any proof of that. That look was only for two things. Letting it go or it could mean …

"What do you want, Zack?"

Instead of answering his question directly, Zack just hopped into the truck and directed Cloud to do the same. Since he couldn't exactly fit in the cab while wearing the entire chocobo suit, Cloud threw the head in the truck bed before hopping in and they were off.

"Since there's still some daylight left, I figure why not give it another go?" Cloud's blank look was pointedly ignored as Zack continued. "So maybe my pitch was off for the first try but I've got a feeling the next one is a real winner!" He smacked the steering wheel for emphasis and Cloud just threw his head back, bouncing it off the metal frame with a thunk.

"I hate you."

"You love me and you know it." There it was again, classic Zack, spinning everything around to shine in a positive light.

"Whatever," Cloud shrugged, shaking off the older man's hand ruffling his hair. "Like a brother…or a lamp."

That made Zack laugh and Cloud finally allowed a small smile after this fiasco, happy to know they were in a good place again. They were business partners and best friends after all and couldn't let little spats get them down.

Neither man noticed that along the bumpy road, the life like chocobo head was bounced right out of the back of the truck and rolling along with the tumbleweeds in the vast desert. Oh well, they would find out soon enough at the next stop, if Zack's driving didn't kill them. (Both alive and well…as it was meant to be).

The End.

A/N: Credit is due to the movie Just Friends for inspiring a few words there. Please R&R on this crazy piece of random fun ^_^


End file.
